I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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