Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
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Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
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Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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