you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
honey bunches of taint.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
