I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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