If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
