You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize