oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize