I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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