Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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