fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
