when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You were trust falling into bushes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
