dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
