just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
