i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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