Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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