this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
