Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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