watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
