i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I fill condoms, not promises.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
