My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
