I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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