Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
