im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
