Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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