she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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