dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
