Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You made out with two different species that night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
