Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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