why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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