I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
