I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
