My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
