Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
