I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
