I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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