this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
