I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
