Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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