she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
