i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
