I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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