i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The air taste purple.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
