1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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