just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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