Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i out mim tonsoeep
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