Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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