Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
