You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
