so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
