I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
