I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
