she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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