i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
