I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
