I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
