I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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