that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pants are for mortals
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