I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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