and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My dick has a subreddit
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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