I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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