We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize