I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob