I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
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well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.