So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?