I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.