When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
