Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...