God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard