i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
