she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
