Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
