he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
