he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
