the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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