I wish I only lived at night.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
