I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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