Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
