saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
